Inventory in Recovery

October 22, 2021 By Nick Leave a Comment

We’re going to talk about how to calculate how much your addiction is costing you and with that we’ll cover time, money and your overall well-being. The second part of this is going to cover the things you can and should do instead and again we’ll talk about your money, time and overall well-being as well. The best way to do this is to either use a journal or get three pieces of paper. On one side, you will calculate what your addiction is costing you while on the other side you will document your progress and ideas on what you can and should be doing instead.

What is taking inventory?

Taking inventory is something that is important because it allows you to see where you currently are so that you can properly calculate your progress throughout your recovery. You may associate taking inventory with Alcoholics Anonymous or a 12-step program. While taking personal inventory is one the steps in a 12-step program, it does mean that if you are not participating in 12-step meetings like Alcoholics Anonymous, you can’t take inventory. In fact, we think this step is a crucial one and should be done in early recovery in conjunction with other addiction recovery processes. So for example, if you struggle with alcohol but have no idea how much money you spend on drinking then how will you know how much money you’re saving once you stop? This step is about being true to yourself – remember, you’re here for you and this is a different approach, a different way. There’s no pressure to share your story or fudge the numbers out of embarrassment. This is not about moral inventory or character defects but rather looking at the facts in a black and white way. This is for your eyes only if you prefer it that way so don’t worry if you feel you have some character flaws or bad behavior, honesty is the best way to go. This is not like Alcoholics Anonymous where you have to talk about this in front of a group of strangers you don’t know. This all can be worked on alone and part of the recovery process. Of course we do encourage everyone to share their story if comfortable but in the early stages of recovery sometimes it’s uncomfortable and that’s okay too. But you know what? Once you start to make progress you’ll be excited to share how far you’ve come but you won’t be able to do that unless you know where you started from. So let’s dive in now and talk about how to calculate how much money your addiction is costing you.

How much it’s costing you

One of things people who are new to life in recovery get really excited for is saving money. So in order to find out how much money you are going to save it’s important to calculate how much your addiction was costing you or is currently costing you now. For this exercise – there’s no need to sugar coat anything as these numbers will be for your eyes only – not your friends, not your family members, just you.

Once you have taken a moment to promise yourself that you will be completely honest about these numbers then you can start to dive right in. The simplest way to do this is to start by figuring out how much you spend each day on your addiction. Now some of you may not be spending money daily so it may be weekly or every few days so in this case you need to calculate how much you are spending over a few week period and then find the average.

For example, let’s say your addiction is alcohol and you buy 2 bottles of wine each Sunday, a 12 pack of beer each Friday and a bottle of vodka on Wednesday. So add all those up and then divide that number by 7 to get your daily number.

Let’s say your addiction is opiates and you buy daily from your dealer – there’s yoru start right there.

What about behavior addictions like video games? This one might be more complex but what you would need to do is calculate how much you’re spending on video games, add-ons, consoles, and so on – calculate maybe over a month and then divide it by the number of days in that month to get your daily spend.

Once you’ve figured out your daily amount you can then do all sorts of things to find out how much you’re spending. You can times your number by 7 to get your weekly spend. Times your daily number by 30 to get your monthly spend and then you can even go on to figure out how much your spending over a year and even 10 year period. A little later in the course we’ll talk about how to decide what to do with the money that you’ll be saving but for now, have fun with this activity. Try not to get upset or down about how much you’re spending or how much you’ve spent in the past, just use this information so you that you have a starting point – a way to show progress as you move forward.

How much time do you spend

Now let’s talk about how to calculate how much time your addiction is costing you. This is similar to money in that you will calculate how much time you spend and then try to figure out your daily time however, there’s a lot more that goes into calculating time and it’s not always cut and dry. Our daily lives are made of so many interconnected moments. For some people, it may be hard to distinguish what was real life, sober time versus what was done due to their addiction. For example, if your addiction is alcohol – the amount of time you spend using alcohol isn’t just the amount of time you’re drinking but the experience before and after such as the amount of time you spend going to the store to buy alcohol, the amount of time you spend drinking and also the amount of time you spend hungover. Shockingly, for some this may be all waking hours and for others it may be all weekend – but it’s important to be honest about the severity. If your drug of choice is heroin then you would calculate the time you spend calling your dealer, the time you spend in withdrawals. Or maybe your addiction is porn and this would be the time you spend watching porn or searching for porn. The best way to do this is calculate how much time you spend in an entire week and then divide that number by 7 to get your daily time. Similar to money. Don’t downplay this activity – every minute you spend thinking about acting on your addiction should be included in this number.

What has your addiction cost you emotionally?

The last activity for taking inventory is taking personal inventory on what your addiction has cost you emotionally. This is sort of like moral inventory or daily inventories as it’s not as black and white. When you think of positive or negative emotions you can think of your own feelings and mental health and the people in your life. So for this activity, it’s best to just do a free write and start listing everything you can think of that’s been affected by your addiction. For example, you might write things like family member names, friends, your kids, spouses, and then you can include things about yourself like perhaps your addiction caused you to go into a depression or maybe yous tarted to think about suicide, or you now get anxiety. Maybe you lost a relationship. Also include physical things about your body like maybe your addiction has caused you to gain or lose too much weight, maybe you’re deficient somewhere or you’ve been diagnosed with something that is directly related to your addiction. Once you start to free write you’ll be surprised how much you’ll be able to attribute to your addiction. Remember, right now we’re just taking inventory so this can be a list of persons or whatever you feel should be there.

Sunk Cost Fallacy

A sunk cost fallacy is when you continue with something that you have invested either time, money or effort into knowing that the end won’t give you the best result – sort of like wishful thinking. For example, someone who stays at a job they hate because they’ve already given the company 15 years or maybe a small business owner who keeps investing in their company because they’ve already invested a ton of money and don’t want to give it up. Sunk costs can be small like I’ve already gotten in the car I might as well just go (when you realize you don’t really need to go anymore) or something big like I’ve already invested a 500,000 in this stock that is down and not selling even though you know you should.

When it comes to your addiction, you likely incur sunk costs all around you and maybe you’re aware of them and or maybe they’re hidden but it’s important that you recognize them so that you don’t fall into the trap.

In the beginning the sunk costs might be something like “I’ve already bought this bottle of wine so i might as well just drink it because I don’t want to waste it.” Or maybe it’s something like “I’ve already got this subscription to this porn site for the rest of the month so I might as well use it until then. “

But as you progress through your recovery it’s important to be even more aware of sunk costs but for now focus on those that relate to money, time and your overall well-being.

For example, I often hear from people who feel that they feel like they’ve dug themselves so deep into a financial hole that quitting their addiction would not make a difference anyway and they would just have to feel the pain of what they did rather than mask it with substances or behavior. If you feel this way, it’s common and normal but this is a sunk cost. You know logically that quitting your addiction will 100% save you money but you’re letting your emotions and feelings convince you otherwise. Yes you may feel the burn more but this is a long term game here – not something that will fix itself overnight so in order to see more big picture – it’s important to look ahead maybe a year or 5 years. When you calculate long term success you will have the ability to understand why you want to stick with it.

Another example, is when people feel like they’ve wasted so much time on their addiction and get into a rut about not getting any of that time back or like it’s too late – maybe you’ve been struggling with your addiction for 5 years, 10 years, 20 years – don’t fall into that sunk cost. All you have is what you can control and that’s the years you have left. So let’s say you’re 20 years into your addiction – maybe you started when you were 20 and you are now 40. This means that you still have well over 36 years left! I calculated this by looking up the life male life expectancy in the US and that’s 76 – other countries may be different and this does vary depending on gender and socio economic factors. Anyway, even if you’re 66 – your last years of your life don’t have to be miserable, don’t fall into the sunk cost fallacy here.

And last when you think about the emotional toll it’s taken. Getting yourself back to baseline may feel like it’s going to take forever and a journey where you just don’t know where or how to start as it seems impossible to get back to where you once were but with effort you will get there.

What to spend your money on instead

I would do this activity in the groups I would teach with people in early recovery. We’d do this for both any addiction including nicotine and most people are floored when they find out how much money they’re spending and immediately think that if they stop their addiction they will then have so much disposable income. This ends up not being typically the case. You see, most people with an addiction choose to spend money on their addiction rather than their obligations which means their finances have been neglected. So just because you stop your addiction doesn’t mean cash in the bank. It means being responsible and using your finances in areas that were meant to be. So for example, if you were spending $100.00 per week on cocaine, you might be thinking wow, i’ll have an extra $400.00 per month. But once you stop your addiction you’re in a much better place to make rational decisions and you’ll realize that instead of using your money on cocaine you are paying your bills on time or paying down a credit card because in the height of your addiction you may have put stuff on credit rather than paying cash. I say this because it’s important for you to have certain expectations throughout this process.

So here’s what you can do instead. Take a deep look at your finances and go through all the areas that have been neglected. Maybe you’re behind on some bills, maybe you owe someone money, or maybe you haven’t been investing the amount you know you could be by now. Now instead of thinking like wow, I’ll have an extra 200.00 or 2000.00 per month – depending on how much money you were spending on your addiction – you can now think of the things you can do to catch up so that you can be in a better place.

It’s important to categorize these areas that are important. For example, owing a family member is more important than investing in a stock. Paying back rent or child support is more important than paying down a credit card. Take some time to get your ideas in order and figure out where and when those extra funds are going to take place. Once you get your finances in order you can then check to see what’s left over every month and where you have wiggle room. Maybe then you can set aside money for things that will support your recovery – a hobby, a gym membership, healthier food and so on.

How to spend your time

Now that you know how you’re going to be spending your money, let’s talk about how to spend the time you’re saving. Similar to money, oftentimes people think that they are just going to magically have this unusual amount of free time and that’s not always the case. I want you to think of this from a different perspective. Don’t think of this as free time but think of this as sober time. Of course, with sober time there will be some free time that comes out of it and what you do with that time is important.

If you spend your free time sitting on the couch, watching tv, playing video games and eating junk food, you will not feel productive or better. Your time should be calculated and with intention. So for example maybe your addiction was costing you 6 hours per day. With a new schedule and sober time you might add an hour or two for sleep if you weren’t sleeping well, maybe you spend a little more time at work, and then maybe you spend time on yourself – more fitness, cooking at home rather than eating out, and so on.

The way to measure your success here is to make a schedule and include all events that occur during the day and then do a daily reflection. Maybe you’re used to being hungover on Sundays and now you’re up and out grocery shopping by 10am. Or perhaps you used to spend your fridays drunk or high and now you’re spending quality time with your family instead. Those are major wins but unless you take the time to reflect and compare your new life to your old life, you won’t see them, you won’t feel them and you might feel like the whole process is boring and slow. That’s normal.

So start reflecting, grab a journal and document your wins each day. You’ll be surprised how far you come.

It takes time to rebuild

I want you to go back to the moral inventory list from earlier and start to prioritize those things and think of ways you can start to make it better. For example, if you are a person who puts your spouse on your list then perhaps under your spouse’s name you would like to make amends by adding more communication, couples counseling, and so on. Maybe on your list you put depression. Think about what steps you need to take to get yourself the care you need. Do you need to make an appointment with a mental health professional? Therapy, medication, and so on.

At first, this may seem like a huge undertaking so try not to get overwhelmed. Instead, break it down into small chunks and always prioritize. You don’t want to try and repair an old friendship with a drug dealer for example, instead you can cross them off your list by doing something simple like deleting their number and blocking them from your social media. That’s a quick and easy win.

It’s going to take time but again, just like what I was talking about with the time and money, make sure you take time each day to reflect on your small wins and gains. And always keep a journal, I cannot express to you how important this is for motivation. Daily it’s going to seem and feel like things are taking forever to get better but if you document and journal you’ll be able to see how far you’ve come and that will be helpful to look at if you ever feel triggered or like giving up and going back to your old ways. ’

The Recovery Process

Taking inventory isn’t easy and can be very eye opening. Like we discussed, the only way you can measure success is to be honest about where you started. We talked about not just money but time and emotional costs as well. When it comes to addiction and sobriety, there are a lot of ways to achieve a full recovery from addiction and your journey to recovery should be unique to you. If you are a person who struggles with sobriety and traditional treatment or rehab isn’t right for you, check out Live Rehab for a recovery program that is tailored to your individual needs and long-term sobriety and growth. If you have any questions feel free to contact us anytime.

High Quality Quit-Date Goal Setting

October 21, 2021 By Nick Leave a Comment

What a topic we have for you! It may not seem like there’s that much to think about when setting a quit date but quit dates certainly do have a special meaning. We’ll talk about why high-quality quit-date goal setting is important, what things to think about why the quality of quit day is important , what to do before quitting, what to do on your quit date, and then why you should celebrate your quality of goal setting. It doesn’t matter what substance you struggle with. It could be alcohol, opioids, prescription medications, tobacco, nicotine dependence, etc. being prepared for quitting can make a massive difference and the quality of goal setting matters.

Why Setting a quit date and quitting is important

Having a quit plan is important because it shows that you are thinking critically and strategically about how you want to proceed in the recovery process. One stage of change is called the preparation stage and setting a quit date is part of that. No matter how many program quit attempts you’ve had your quit day should be on your terms, not someone else’s. This reason a behavioral intervention doesn’t always work is because someone else is choosing for you which means a lot of different variables come into play. You want to choose your quit day with confidence so that your chances of success are high.

Studies have shown evidence that when you don’t have a plan or you just wing things then your chances for success greatly diminish. Tobacco quit lines for example, encourage the caller to tailor their smoking cessation approach around their specific quit date. Another example is the American Cancer Society Cancer Action Network. Their smoking cessation approaches have a heavy focus on a person setting a specific day they want to quit. A study published in US National Library of Medicine National Institutes of Health used the Logistic Regression Model and scored the quality of quit-day goal setting among callers of smoking cessation quitlines, and found that those callers who scored higher were more likely to make an in-program quit attempt and had a higher quit rate. By setting a date, you can take the time leading up to that date to properly prepare and yes, there are many things to prepare for and to think about.

The date that you set will be a date that you will remember forever, this will be your anniversary date – sort of like getting married. You commit to something different, commit to a new beginning and you will celebrate this every year for the rest of your life. Of course you must be prepared for obstacles to happen along the way. Your prediction is just that; assuming things will align as you progress.

Now don’t just look at the calendar and pick a random date. There are many things to think about before choosing that date.

What things to think about when setting a quit date

First of all, high-quality quit-date goal setting will depend entirely on your physical dependence and quality of goal setting. If your detox and withdrawal won’t be as bad you might be able to push through certain things. Whereas, if you’re going to have a detox or withdrawal that puts you out for days it’s important to take that time and not try to push yourself through any situation really.

If you are detoxing from alcohol or benzos, or barbiturates , if you are a pregnant woman or if you have any medical conditions such as heart disease, you’ll need to have a medically monitored detox and sometimes you don’t get a choice on that date – it might be chosen for you. Talk to your health care provider if this is you.

Alcohol is a suppressant and lowers the function of the central nervous system. When you withdraw from alcohol the central nervous system tries to adjust, oftentimes overcompensating causing what is called Alcohol withdrawal syndrome AWS. Lots of things can happen when withdrawing from alcohol like seizures, low electrolytes can lead to a heart attack, low levels of phosphate can lead to coma and ketoacidosis can also be fatal.

Benzos and barbiturates are also central nervous system depressants, and if someone is physically dependent and stops cold turkey, they may experience a grand mal seizure which can be fatal.

If you are detoxing from alcohol, benzos or barbiturates/benzos it might also be an option to taper down so high quality goal setting should include this as you won’t be safe until you are completely off those substances. If you are detoxing from alcohol or barbiturates and you have a physical dependence please talk to your doctor as your health and safety is the most important.

On the other hand if you are a binge drinker and your body is used to going days without drinking alcohol, high-quality quit-date goal setting should still include staying cautious and if you start to feel any sort of physical withdrawals, contact your doctor ASAP.

So with all that being said, let’s talk about what to think about:

First off, when you’re looking at your calendar, think about important events that might be coming up. Are you wanting to quit and have a good amount of sober time before that event or if the event is in the near future you may want to think about waiting until it’s over; maybe it’s a family birthday or reunion, maybe you have a big project at work or school, a wedding, whatever it is be sure to include this in your high-quality quit-date goal setting because you don’t want to be withdrawing or going through detox during that time. If those events are pretty far out, try and set your quit plan sooner than later – because you’re here and you really don’t want to drag this out any longer than you have to. I usually recommend you start your quit-date goal setting within the next 30 days. Your entire plan is dependent on high-quality goal setting. You don’t want it to be today but you need to take some time to prepare. For some people they can fully prepare to quit quickly so maybe this weekend would be a good day for abrupt quitting and for others it may take a week or so.

Other things to think about – depending on the severity of your withdrawal and detox is whether or not you’ll be able to take time off work or school or other obligations you may have. Maybe you’re a parent – can you find a babysitter for a few days while you go through this? If you work, can you use vacation or sick time? Again this depends on the severity of what you’re going through. If it’s a mild detox or withdrawal you might be able to get away with just taking it easy but if you’re withdrawing from something like opioids then you may not be even semi functional and will need to have a few days with no commitments. From there you can mark your calendar or use any quit date tool to set your day.

Don’t go all out

I hear this all the time. People tend to think that because they know their quit-date goal setting is coming up they want to have a blow out, a party, whatever it is before but I’m here to tell you that’s a bad idea. It will only make your detox and withdrawal worse.

The best thing you can do is to start tapering down immediately. Try to use less today then you did yesterday and this goes for any substance: nicotine dependence, opioids, cocaine, alcohol, etc. Then the next day slightly less and continue to do that until it’s your actual quit day. You don’t want your withdrawals to be so horrible that you feel like you can’t do it. You want your withdrawals to be manageable or for some, non-existent. The disease model of addiction shows that addiction isn’t just lack of willpower, it changes the brain dramatically so just like people with health conditions like diabetes wouldn’t binge on sugar right before getting healthy or people with heart disease should not go out and eat high fat foods before heart surgery, you should not binge on any substance right before either. Remember, the quality of goal setting is really what makes the difference.

Don’t binge, don’t splurge, start cutting back today and you won’t regret the day of your quit day. I know that quitting is also like grieving. You will have a period of time, probably starting now where you will be grieving your old life. Even if it was horrible in the end, it’s still going to be gone and just know that’s a normal part of the process. This is why a lot of people want to have a one last time where they think they can enjoy that experience like they used to but there’s a reason you are here now and just know that no matter how much you think you need that experience for closure, it’s not worth it in the end. I have had clients do this and then not be able to follow through with their quit-date goal setting; they end up pushing it out or not starting at all.

And also, if your addiction is ruining things in your life, including health conditions, having a blow out won’t make those things any better and in fact it might make them worse so think about the effects it could have. You don’t want to do that to yourself, the people around you. You have commitments in your life and goals so don’t take that for granted. Think of today as a starting point leading up to the first day of the rest of your life. You can do this.

What to do before your quit date

Okay so now you’ve set a date or you know you will be setting a date to quit soon. But what do you do between now and then? The quality of goal setting here must be high.

For starters, think about who you can tell. Think carefully about this because you want to tell people who are supportive of you but also people who you know you don’t want to let down. The more you hype it up the better your chances. Don’t be cautious but rather confident and proud. Like ya, hey I’m quitting next Tuesday and that’s that.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Depending on who knows about your addiction, reach out – ask for a babysitter, ask for time off work, ask for someone to come check on you during this time. If you think you can’t do it alone, ask for company.

Next, you’ll want to start getting rid of things that will trigger you. Are there things around your house? Maybe alcohol, paraphernalia, and so on. Have a plan on how you’re going to get rid of drugs or alcohol by your quit date – will you pour the alcohol down the drain? Flush the drugs, etc? Triggers are inevitable so having a plan to reduce common triggers will help.

Stock up on healthy foods, snacks and plenty of water. The last thing you’ll want to do is go to the store and have to buy something while you’re withdrawing.

Stock up on entertainment – keep yourself busy with movies, books, and so on.

Ask someone to hold onto your money for a few days starting on your quit date. As the first few days are pretty rough it’s important to eliminate anything that might cause you to want to relapse. By not having money, you won’t be able to get the drugs or alcohol you’ll want to get.

Take advantage of online tools, even a quit date tool. There are many app-based interventions out there to choose from.

And last, clean your home and catch up on household chores. Having a clean space which includes things like clean sheets, towels, and so on can really make a difference. You’ll feel less stressed and more refreshed when your environment is not cluttered.

If you’re not sure where to start with cleaning, start with the kitchen and bathroom and see where that takes you. Make sure all your dishes are done, you have a clean countertop and old food has been thrown out of the fridge.

Make sure your bathroom is clean, spend some time scrubbing the toilet, the sink and the tub. And then if you have time to do the rest of the house go for it – it’s important to have clean floors so run the vacuum or mop if you can.

I know everyone isn’t a cleaner especially if you are about to detox so if that’s you and you can swing it, maybe hire someone to help. It can be really nice to have someone to clean for you for a few hours right before your quit day. Having a clean space going into this can be quite nice and then you’ll feel less pressured or worried about household chores after. The quality of goal setting here is high but you can do this.

The First Day – Your Quitting Experience

Everyone’s quit-date goal setting is going to be a different experience. There are many addictive substances out there; nicotine dependence, marijuana, cocaine, alcohol, etc. For some, your quit-date goal setting might be having to start detox, cessation treatment or cessation medications. For others, it might be just another normal day. Regardless. you should be prepared for triggers. One common approach for a tobacco user is to put carrot sticks, celery sticks and even cinnamon sticks out so when they feel tobacco or smoking triggers they use those to keep your hands busy. Non-alcoholic beer could be another way to prepare yourself. Make sure you stay hydrated so have a glass of water available. But on your quit date, wherever you are, it’s important to really give yourself some props. Do a lot of self reflection and be really proud of yourself. Getting here wasn’t easy and it won’t be easy going forward but for day one, you should take some time to do something nice for yourself. If you have the budget, then do something like treat yourself to a nice massage or go out for a nice meal. If you are detoxing you can still feel terrible but proud of yourself at the same time. I know some of you won’t be able to leave to do something nice so just try to do something nice at home. Give your body permission to relax; maybe go to the movies or binge watch a new TV show. Make this special and one you’ll never forget. It’s the first day of the rest of your life.

It’s not going to be easy going forward, physically, mentally and emotionally but at least for this day, you can rest and relax, catch up on some sleep and get prepared to start the next chapter of your life.

Celebrate!

So all the hype about setting a quit date is important because it’s such a significant day. It’s not like a birthday or a holiday where you just celebrate for no other reason than being alive, this is a day to celebrate because you’ve gathered up the confidence, courage, strength and ultimate preparation to give it your all. Therefore, from here on out, it’s important to celebrate milestones no matter how big or small. For starters – celebrate your 24 hour milestone! I mean, let’s face it. How many people say they’re going to quit and can’t even make it a day. Then celebrate your weekly and monthly milestone and forever and ever you will be celebrating your yearly milestone. I mean how cool is it going to be when you make it to ten years! Just by being here right now, you are setting yourself up for such great success. Your quitting experience should be joyous. If at any point during your journey you feel something isn’t right be sure to follow-up with your doctor. Happy celebrating!

Conclusion

Studies have shown evidence that setting a quit date is an important part of any recovery program. If you are struggling with any substance; alcohol, nicotine dependence, tobacco, prescription medication, cocaine, marijuana, etc. and want to stop please check out Live Rehab. A lot of our students have made many program quit attempts as most traditional programs like in-patient, out-patient, nicotine replacement therapy, tobacco smoking cessation approaches, pharmacotherapy interventions, nicotine patches, caller to a tobacco quitline, coaching, etc. are not unique to the individual. Quit rates and abrupt smoking cessation in adults don’t have a high cessation outcome. It is your decision and your decision only so be sure the interventions you are using are unique to you. There are many dependent variables that come into play which is why you want to choose a program with confidence. The quality of goal setting makes a huge difference especially when combined with using a quit date tool and will increase your likelihood of success.

Brady BR, Nair US, Gerald JK, Yuan NP, Krupski LA, Thomson CA. Higher quality quit-date goal setting enhances quit attempts among quitline caller. Tob Prev Cessat. 2019;5:20. Published 2019 Jun 6. doi:10.18332/tpc/109537

Addiction Relapse Triggers

September 9, 2021 By Nick Leave a Comment

How Managing Triggers in Recovery can Prevent a Physical Relapse

If you’ve been in the addiction field or around an individual who have worked numerous rehab programs you may often hear that relapse is a normal and part of the recovery process. While I do agree that the potential for relapse is common and both physical and emotional relapse rates are high, I want to challenge you to think about this concept critically. If you are telling yourself that relapse is normal then subconsciously you are giving yourself permission to relapse and that’s not what you really want.

What I do know is that most people who experience a physical or emotional relapse were never fully prepared for a full recovery. They weren’t prepared for stressful situations or having negative feelings and pain all at once and weren’t prepared for internal triggers and external triggers . So what I’d like to talk about is how you can be better prepared in your daily life and know what to look for when a trigger happens. If you can manage your triggers so that you are not at risk for relapse then your road to recovery can be one without ever having to experience a full-blown relapse.

Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome, P.A.W.S.

Before we dive into triggers and how to prevent them I first want to talk to you about PAWS. PAWS is an acronym that stands for Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome. PAWS is basically your body going through withdrawal after it’s already gone through withdrawal. And this is common for an individual who struggled with a substance use disorder (alcohol or illicit drugs) or an addictive behavior. You may wake up one day and be like wow I’m so nauseous and my body feels so heavy – yet it’s been 2 weeks since you’ve gone through withdrawal. PAWS can also be symptoms of negative emotions. Just know that this is normal and you’ll want to treat your health like you did when you were going through detox. Relax, take some deep breaths, do what you can to move past it. The good news is that PAWS generally doesn’t last very long and over time, the episodes will space out more and more. But PAWS can last up to one year post detox.

Some symptoms of PAWS are:

irritability
mood swings
anxiety
insomnia

Sometimes they are more physical like:

nausea
vomiting

The reason it’s important to be aware of PAWS is so that you know that the emotions and feelings are normal. People who experience PAWS without being told it could happen while in recovery, generally get more anxious and confused but if you know it could happen you can try to relax until it passes. The biggest reason it’s important for you to know that it could is that oftentimes PAWS causes powerful relapse triggers. So if you are aware it’s PAWS you can be very present with the symptoms and know what to do. If you are unaware that it’s PAWS you might just feel angry and agitated and desperate to not feel that way, not knowing if it’s temporary or something that could last a while.

Warning Signs / HALT

HALT! Let’s talk about warning signs to a potential trigger and how to recognize what might be the problem. Studies have shown A relapse prevention article published in the Indian Journal of Psychiatry noted, “Negative mood states associated with relapse include anger, loneliness, boredom, fatigue.” When you solve the problem you can manage the trigger which can prevent a physical or mental relapse.

Yes, your body will give you some warning signs before a trigger actually happens. You may feel anxious, nervous, sad, or maybe you just feel a bit off. When you think you’re feeling a bit off or like things aren’t right I want you to say this – say it out loud if nobody is around or say it in your head and that’s HALT! So when you say HALT you are going to stop your thoughts and think about these four things: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired – are you any of those right now? These are the most common feelings that can trigger a drug, alcohol or behavior trigger and lead to a potential relapse. If you’re hungry or thirsty, do what you can to get a snack or something to drink. If you’re angry, what can you do to cool yourself down? If you’re lonely, is there anyone you can call or talk to right now like a friend or family member? Even if it’s a crisis hotline – just find someone to talk to. Having negative emotions can lead to mental triggers so making sure you aren’t feeling like you’re in isolation is important. And last, if you’re tired – do what you can to relax your mind. If you can get a nap in then that’s always ideal – but if you’re not in a situation where you can get a nap in, like work, then try to do something relaxing if you can and then be sure to focus on the underlying reason of why you might be tired – did you not get enough sleep last night? Can you try to go to bed earlier tonight?

Okay so if you feel some warning signs and you HALT you should be able to figure out what your body is telling you it needs. If you’re not hungry, angry, lonely or tired then do what you can to dig deep into what it is that’s making you feel off and try to do what you can to eliminate it and keep practicing HALT in your everyday life.

Writing a Letter to Yourself

To start, you’ll want to make sure you’re in a good mental space before writing the letter. You want to make sure this letter is on actual physical paper – not your phone or on your computer.

So for this activity, I want you to take your time with this and really work through honestly with each step. This letter will stay with you 24/7 in the first 30 days of sobriety and then after that make sure it’s somewhere you can easily get to.

So sit down, relax and take a pen and paper and start writing.

Here are some points you’ll want to cover.

What does it feel like to be free from an addiction and in recovery? Really go into detail here. You can talk about how it’s freeing to not have to rely on addictive or harmful substances like drugs or alcohol, or a behaviour to get through a day.
Talk about the darkest moments, your exposure to drugs and alcohol, and how it made you feel and why partaking again will only lead you down that path. Talk about withdrawals, how you felt mentally and also how you felt physically.
Give yourself a pep talk. Include positive emotions you may be feeling.

When writing this letter, remember it’s for your eyes only so don’t go easy on yourself. You’re only going to read this letter again if you have alcohol cravings for drugs or alcohol or feel triggered in any way. So think of things that you wouldn’t normally want to have to rethink – you know go back to those places you never wanted to revisit because in a moment of crisis where you might be tempted to use again, this letter might just save your sobriety if you’re true and graphic.

So for example, let’s say you said something horribly mean to someone while at the height of your addiction. Something you would never ever normally say – remember it and remind yourself of what you did once say. Maybe you stole money or lied. Also, if you had withdrawals because of a substance use disorder, substance abuse, or alcohol addiction, talk about the worst parts – the vomiting, the diarrhea, how you felt like you were going out of your mind.

Once this letter is finished, fold it up nicely and put it in your purse, your wallet or the back of your phone if you have that type of case. Keep it with you 24/7 for the first 30 days. If after 30 days your internal triggers or external triggers seem manageable you can put it in a drawer but never throw it away. You never know when you might need it.

Take the letter out when you feel triggered and feel like nothing else is working. I wouldn’t use this letter as your first coping skill because it’s graphic, can cause emotional pain, it’s not nice and not something you need to read often.

People/Places/Things (Common Addiction Relapse Triggers)

Managing external triggers can be stressful. Remember in school when learning about nouns you were taught; people, places and things. This is a helpful phrase when learning to manage common relapse triggers.

Let’s start with people; This is probably the hardest to manage in early recovery but the most important. The thing about managing your social situations is that it’s not always so cut and dry. Some of you have the resources and abilities to cut people out completely whereas others might be stuck in a position where you have to learn how to live with people who may be causing you stress. But, if you want to have success in managing common triggers, taking a long hard look at the people in your life is where you need to start.

Baptist Health interviewed their therapist, Brien Garcia, who stated, “As Aristotle once said, ‘The whole is greater than the sum of its parts,’ who says better outcomes are possible if you treat not just the patient but the entire family as a unit.”

Any individual who is not supportive or who has the potential to trigger you or even those who have triggered you in the past, need to go. Now I’m not saying anything has to be forever, but for now, your only focus is making sure you do not have any potential for a physical or mental relapse so if you need to take a break from the people in your life then you need to do that.

I usually recommend making a list and start knocking them off one by one. You can text, call, face to face but let them know you will not be around for a while because you’re focusing on your own self. It may go well or it may not but it’s important and needs to be done.

Now let’s talk about places. Places are interesting – when thinking about places that may be triggering think about any place where you partaken in your substance abuse or behavior addiction. If these are public places or maybe it was an event, avoid it at all costs as you don’t need to put yourself into a high-risk situation. If you need to drive a different route on your way home from work so that you don’t pass the bar where you see people drinking, then drive a different route. Don’t go into a store that sells liquor, don’t drive past your drug dealers house or where you made deals.

Now for some of you, a triggering place may be home. I recommend making this fun. Do a deep clean of your home and rearrange. Move a couch or a TV, put your bed on a different wall, park your car in a different spot, and so on. Make your place as different as you possibly can. Some of you may have the resources to do a bit of remodeling – perhaps get some new art, paint a room a different color, put your wine glasses in storage. Just constantly be thinking about places and how to avoid or change things up so that you’re not triggered. If you are triggered then think; is someone making me triggered or did I go somewhere that caused me to feel triggered?

And last, things; get rid of things that you associate with your addiction – maybe it’s any paraphernalia, if you’re addicted to porn or social media then get a new computer if possible. If you’re addicted to cocaine or used kitchen spoons – throw them away. Who needs spoons anyway right? Just look around – maybe it’s a pill bottle or your phone and you need a new one so that you’re not tempted to call someone you shouldn’t. Again if you do feel triggered, remember, HALT and assess people, places and things.

Making a List of Coping Skills

Now for this last part I want you to make a list of all the things you can do if you feel a common addiction relapse trigger. I usually recommend listing about 10 realistic things you can do. Make sure those things aren’t things like taking a trip to Thailand. It’s unrealistic to think you can feel a trigger and then hop on a plane immediately. These 10 things should be a mix of things you can do inside and outside for not just common relapse triggers but all types of triggers. For example, walking around the block, watching an episode of Friends, making a healthy snack, writing in a journal, going to the store, things like that. Include things that can help you physically, like taking a shower or jumping jacks, things that can help you emotionally like meditation and things you can do if you need someone like calling a family member, friend or treatment provider if you have one. It’s important to have such a wide variety of healthy coping mechanisms because you never know what you may need in that moment and remember to keep the list near you at all times. Perhaps it’s a list in your phone or something you can keep in your wallet. It needs to be easily accessible so that you can pull it out when you need it. It could be written on the back of the letter that you wrote to yourself. It doesn’t matter where you keep it as long as you know where it is. Some people like to memorize the list so as soon as they feel triggered they can mentally go through the list in their head to pick something to do. If that works for you then that might be a good solution as well.

Addiction Recovery Treatment

Managing physical and emotional triggers isn’t easy but it’s a critical part of any addiction recovery treatment program. No matter your drug of choice or whether you struggle with alcohol or a behavior addiction like porn, sex, or video games, having the right treatment plan that caters to your unique path to recovery is essential for long-term sobriety. Sometimes, traditional rehab isn’t right. Here at Live Rehab, we help people obtain sobriety from the comfort of their own home. We have flexible options for the recovery process and a unique relapse prevention plan that is tailored for you and your situation. Our plans focus on preventing physical and emotional relapses by using a holistic approach to addiction recovery. Everyone has the potential to live a free life, free of mental and physical illness, not be at risk of relapse and able to achieve a full recovery from addiction.

Alcohol or Substance Abuse in the Workplace

July 15, 2021 By Nick Leave a Comment

Whether you’re in school or have a solid career, your addiction has made an impact on where you stand today. Unlike family and friends, your approach to how you handle your professional relationships can either help or hinder your future success.

In traditional in-patient treatment rehab, people are forced to either quit their job or beg their employers to keep them on while they go to inpatient treatment, which is a big ask. Some employers are in a position to do so and may encourage it as they definitely don’t want someone with a substance use disorder working or alcoholic employees as it creates poor job performance with an increase of workplace injuries, while other employers may not be in a position to help and by just bringing it up could cause you to lose your job.

One study that was done by the National Library of Medicine, estimated that companies in the United States lose about 400 billion dollars per year annually, due to drug and alcohol related problems. Some of this is due to health care costs related to chronic disease or medical conditions caused by drug and alcohol abuse disorders such as liver disease or heart disease. This means that many employees may find the workplace policy difficult to navigate.

A recent Hartford study showed that 52% of employers have dealt with substance misuse and addiction.

“The recent research from The Hartford is encouraging and shows U.S. employers are concerned for their employees’ mental health,” said NAMI’s CEO Gillison. “We are acutely aware that the need for mental health services is only increasing and reducing stigma in the workplace is paramount to improving the lives of employees. Mental health support in the workplace is a win-win for both workers and businesses.”

The last thing you need is to be stressed about health care costs, work or money when getting treatment for alcoholism or drug addiction. So it’s easy for these large in-patient facilities to welcome you with open arms, give you high quality treatment but what good is that going to do after the fact if you go back and you are unemployed and have no money. That’s why being prepared is key to your success. Of course, if quitting your job is something you need to do to save your life then absolutely but if you have other options you can try first, then maybe those options are worth exploring. Not everyone needs in-patient rehab so if keeping your job is important then finding an alternative, something you can do online like here at Live Rehab might be a better approach. But that doesn’t mean work won’t be a struggle and it’s still important to know what to do in a professional environment.

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Reading the room – there is no one size fits all

When fighting an addiction there’s never a one size fits all category and that’s what makes professional working or educational relationships that much more complicated. Some people have great relationships with their co-workers and can trust confiding in them while others may put their careers in jeopardy by doing so. Some people work for companies where they are protected by a union, HR, or even have an Employee Assistance Program that can help, while others risk getting fired if their company found out about their addiction. Before saying anything to anyone, if that’s what you choose to do, it’s critical that you know the ramifications of doing so. It may help you to be honest or honesty may cause you to get fired on the spot. Does anyone even need to know about your alcohol consumption, heavy drinking habits, binge drinking, or substance abuse or will an explanation of your behavior portray you as honest and forthcoming? You need to read the room, know your rights, and understand all possible outcomes before taking any action.

How to explain your drug or alcohol addiction as an employee

Everyone will fall into one of two categories when it comes to each professional relationship you have: you either tell them about your addiction or you don’t. With that being said, each professional relationship you have may need a different approach. Some people you may want to tell while others you may not want or need to tell.

We talked earlier about reading the room and knowing your rights, understanding if it’s safe to talk about it or even necessary. Let me give you some examples.

Let’s say your workplace setting is a small organization with no HR, in a right to work state, and you’ve been struggling with a pornography addiction. Your addiction has caused you to lose focus on work. Part of you may want to talk to your boss to tell them you’re taking the steps now to fight your addiction but you’ll need to think about that decision and whether or not the risk is worth it. Don’t just think short term though like yes, you may lose your job but think long term. Would losing your job cause you to feel triggered and then have a relapse? In a case like this, it may not be a good idea to talk about your addiction.

Another example would be let’s say your workplace is a large organization that has an HR and maybe even a union. Let’s say your addiction has been affecting your work, perhaps you have an unsteady gait or have had complaints about being under the influence of alcohol, and you are in jeopardy of being fired. Some large organizations have Employee Assistance Programs programs or confidential support programs that can help and even protect you from getting fired if you’re honest and open.

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, SAMHSA, for example, partners with federal workplaces to provide drug-free workplaces which provides employee education as well as evidence-based prevention interventions or substance abuse treatment to address substance-related issues such as job drinking. These programs are help empower everyone to take action while still being able to hold each employee accountable for their performance.

In a case like this it may be in your best to talk to somebody as there are options that would avoid disciplinary action.

There are lots of others in between scenarios to think about too. Some of you may not want to talk to anybody but may have an alcohol use disorder. Going out drinking at Happy Hour on Friday is part of company culture. In a case like this would you tell someone? That’s a tough judgement call but we recommend, when it comes to alcohol abuse to talk to your co-workers about you not drinking. Depending on your comfort level you can say you had a problem and you’re not drinking anymore or you can blame it on something else but not saying anything at all will give your co-workers a sudden cause for concern and speculation will only arise. Did she stop coming because she doesn’t like us? Nobody is a mind reader so being professional honest, when possible is a good policy to live by.

Having Backup Plans in Your Pocket

You might be in a situation where you were partaking in your addiction with your classmates or co-workers but aren’t ready to tell them the whole truth and to be honest, when it comes to professional relationships it’s really none of their business why you stopped drinking or smoking or whatever. If you find yourself needing to have excuses because well, it’s the workforce and that’s just reality it’s a good idea to have backup plans always in your pocket. If a coworker you’re used to drinking with or smoking weed, or using cocaine with asks you to go out on Friday, if you’re not ready with a backup plan you may be tempted to go out, telling yourself you won’t partake. That’s a dangerous situation to be in. We recommend that for at least 30 days you don’t put yourself in a situation that can jeopardize your sobriety. So what kinds of things can you say?

Maybe you have family in town, have a birthday party to go to, have someone coming over to do work on your house, etc. Just make note of things and practice how to say them so you don’t get caught off the guard. The more practice you have the more natural it will feel. Don’t worry too much about the lying part. You have to do what you have to do in order to protect your sobriety.

My favorite excuse is to use the health or medical one. I’m on medication that doesn’t allow me to drink, smoke, etc. Not many people will question that.

After 30 days, you’ll notice that the pressure will calm down a bit but it will still be there. You can then decide where you’re at with everything and then slowly integrate yourself back into the professional yet social side of the workplace setting. Perhaps after time you’ll get comfortable with just saying I don’t do xyz anymore. Your co-workers should respect you for that.

Distancing Yourself from Toxicity for Your Health and Recovery

Toxic co-workers can cause so much distress and turmoil especially when tackling an addiction. We’ve all dealt with toxic co-workers or classmates at some point in our lives but when those toxic people start to interfere with workplace conditions such as job drinking, your job performance, sobriety or your ability to stay away from your addiction it’s important to recognize that and do what it takes to keep your distance. Toxicity doesn’t generally just go away on it’s own so waiting it out to see if things get better secretly hoping they quit or change schools or jobs is never a good idea. If there is a person or people in your professional life who are making you miserable do whatever it takes to distance yourself. If that mean changing classes if you’re in school or changing departments at your work then take immediate action to do so. Your ability to fight your addiction and fight it for good depends on you having solid and healthy relationships and that includes professional relationships too.

Your options and Employee Assistance Programs

You may be trying to fight your addiction but sometimes work or school is what consistently causes you to feel triggered or have a relapse. We talked about how to distance yourself from toxic coworkers or classmates but we also recognize that sometimes it’s not that easy. We also talked about being able to understand your rights, knowing what’s available and accessible to you and just having an overall sense of whether or not talking to others about your addiction will be safe. Now I want to talk to you about what to do if you feel like you have exhausted all of your options and you’re in position where someone, multiple people, or even the work itself is so stressful that you feel like if something doesn’t change drastically you may be putting your ability to fight your addiction, your sobriety or even your career on the line. Before it gets to that breaking point you may have to talk to someone. Now I don’t necessarily mean that you have to talk to someone about your addiction and that’s something that you’ll need to decide for yourself but what I am talking about is talking to someone about work related issues so that they can get resolved before it’s too late. It’s better to take action now because it doesn’t always get easier.

So if this is you and you’re really struggling at work or school start to think about who you can talk to, what you’re going to say, and when you can take action.

For example, let’s say you have an alcohol use disorder and you work for a medium sized firm. You have a small HR but overall get the feeling that nobody would really understand your addiction fully. Let’s say you have a co-worker who is constantly belittling you, stealing your work and overall just bringing on a negative vibe. If switching departments is not an option and you don’t feel like you can talk to your boss about it you may want to consider going to HR to see what your options are. All they need to know is how this person is affecting your ability to work and they would need concrete examples of how this person is making your work experience miserable.

Some of you may feel comfortable going to your boss or your teacher and asking them for general advice or help but my advice to you is to not just try and stick it out. If you do that you will end up putting your recovery at risk. Making positive changes in your life is what will set you up for long term success.

When your performance isn’t valued – knowing when to leave

What if nothing changes and no matter how hard you try you just keep feeling like you’re treading water. That’s a quite common place to be in when fighting an addiction. Sometimes when you are fighting an addiction you have to think about making big changes and one of those changes may be looking for a new job or a new school especially if your work situation is connected to your addiction in any way.

When making the decision to find a new job or a new school it’s important to not make any impulsive decisions. Sometimes we can get so worked up about the current situation that we fail to see the bigger picture. But what you can do is start taking the steps you need to make this change.

Think about the end result and where you want to be. Do you need to change jobs? If so, what type of job would you be looking for and what steps can you take to do this? Maybe it’s connecting with recruiters, applying for jobs online or talking to people in the industry. Do you need to switch schools if you’re a student? Is it possible to stick it out to the end of the semester while you apply to a different school as opposed to dropping out right now?

Think this through and take action now. New beginnings may be in order.

Finding the Right Treatment Provider

Your professional career and workplace setting is important and you shouldn’t have to give anything up or take any steps backwards just because of your past experiences and in fact, when tackling certain situations head on while stopping your addiction may actually help your career or education soar. You should never feel as though your addiction is a burden so by knowing your options and where to go, you are setting yourself up for greater success. If you are looking for an alternative to inpatient treatment or outpatient treatment for alcohol, drug abuse, or any behavior addiction, check out Live Rehab. We provide online addiction and recovery courses for those who are struggling with any addiction including alcohol dependence and drug abuse. Live Rehab’s Sobriety Success Method uses a holistic approach to addiction recovery that is flexible and tailored to your specific needs.

Friendships in Recovery

July 7, 2021 By Nick Leave a Comment

Why Friendships are Important in Recovery

Friendships are important for people in recovery. Oftentimes the true colors will come out and you’ll be faced with hard decisions. If you have supportive friends who do not partake in your addiction; those who you met before your addiction started, it’s important to analyze those relationships to see how you can keep them close and near you, how you can lean on them for support, and work on strengthening those relationships. On the flip side though, you do need to be careful. You need to make sure that your friendships are healthy or your path through sobriety may be at risk. According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administrations, SAMHSA, the support of peers and friends is also crucial in engaging and supporting individuals in recovery. Having a happy life in recovery and sober living should be part of the plan.

It’s Complicated and Depends on the Person

For the most part, people can easily distinguish good and bad friendships but there are going to be those people who you may feel are in the middle or just not sure about where they may fall. For example, let’s say you have a best friend who you drink with and you’re trying to quit drinking alcohol. When you tell this friend they are supportive and tell you they are going to be there for you no matter what. Then one day they come with beer and offer you one, you decline and they don’t give you a hard time but after a few beers they start talking about how they don’t understand why you can’t just have 1 or 2 or drink occasionally and tell you how much they miss their drinking buddy and things haven’t been the same. This makes you feel bad. The next day they call and apologize and say it won’t happen again. Is that a healthy relationship or a toxic relationship? Well, I can’t answer that for you specifically but I can say that there are certainly red flags. If that person is willing to hang out with you sober and do sober things and it was a one off situation then I say there’s probably a good reason to keep that friendship strong. On the flip side, if it happens again then you’ll know it wasn’t just a one off thing and it’s probably best at that point to consider the relationship unhealthy even if they apologize for their behavior.

Signs of an unhealthy friendship

The people you are surrounding yourself with will dictate how well your recovery is going. If you’re serious about breaking your substance abuse or behavior addiction forever you need to create space around your thoughts so that you can be receptive to information you may not want to see, hear, or do. But it’s important.

An unhealthy or toxic friendship will not help your recovery journey one bit. If you have a friend who is constantly justifying your behavior or trying to make you feel good about what you do, that is a dangerous emotion and a huge red flag. It’s an unbearable feeling when a friend is cruel and has negative influences on your recovery. You are here because you know you need to quit your addiction – your friends and social interactions should be supportive of that 100% so if they aren’t, it’s not a friendship you should be involved with right now.

If you have a friend who also partakes in your addiction with or without you and can’t go anywhere without doing it then that’s another sign of an unhealthy friendship. For example, if your addiction is alcohol and your friend can’t visit or go anywhere without drinking then that’s a problem. If your addiction is video games or social media and your friend can’t do anything else but that – then that’s a problem too.

A huge red flag is if you have a friend who discourages you from getting help. A friend that says, “Seriously? Everybody does xyx – you don’t have a problem.” Please be cautious of those friends. That is not okay and every friend you have should be supporting you through your recovery.

If you have a friend who is constantly peer pressuring you to do more of your drug of choice, alcohol, or behavior or if you have a friend whose life revolves around your specific addiction then that’s another reason to be apprehensive. And last, if you have a friend who is threatening to end your friendship if you stop your addictive behavior then that’s not a friendship worth trying to even keep.

With all that being said, you may need to make some hard choices.

When to walk away

Identifying an unhealthy or toxic friendship is pretty straightforward but knowing when to walk away may not be and there are many different factors that play a role in this decision. Just because the relationship is unhealthy, doesn’t always mean you need to walk away. Some friends may adjust their behaviors once they find out you’re breaking your addiction. For example, let’s say you’re addicted to opioids and you had a friend who was using too and would discourage you to get help. However, now that they know you’re stopping your addiction they’ve decided to get their own help as well. In that case you wouldn’t want to walk away and could cautiously use each other for support. On the flip side, let’s say that friend still tells you that you don’t have a problem and comes by with pills or whatever and tries to pressure you to get high with them even knowing your stance, you might have to flat out tell them that you cannot be their friend anymore. There is no friendship in the world that means more than your recovery. What I mean by that is that a real honest true friend would never put you in a situation where you’d even have to think about walking away. It’s time you put yourself first. You’re worth it.

Signs of a Healthy Friendship

Having healthy friendships can be a lifeline to sobriety. As we’ve been talking about unhealthy and toxic friendships and when to walk away it’s also important to talk about healthy friendships and how they contribute to an overall healthy life. It’s not uncommon for people who are fighting an addiction to feel like they have no friends when they start recovery. Loneliness is one of the main reasons people relapse. Therefore, it’s important for you to know that this may happen so you can be fully prepared mentally and know that it’s completely normal. But if you stick with it, you’ll start to eventually make sober friends and be able to re-strengthen those relationships that you had with friends who were not bad nor toxic – the ones who are were there for you before, who are there for you now and those who are genuinely rooting for you success.

If you have real friends who do not partake in whatever addiction it is you’re fighting and who want to see you succeed then it’s important to hang on to those friendships. If you don’t though, just know that this is a normal part of the process. For some of you, all of your friendships may have been based around your addiction and you might have to walk away completely. It’s like starting over with a clean slate. While in recovery, as you work through the process and start taking action you’ll eventually start to meet like minded people through different hobbies you may be taking up, maybe you’ll join an in-person support group, or maybe you’ll just meet new people with the same interests as you through apps or whatnot. Some of you may have a solid family and that might be all you need for now. The rest will come later and in time. Spending time with friends is important but remember to always put your recovery first.

How to Keep a Healthy Relationship Strong in Addiction Recovery

You heard me just talk about knowing when a friendship is worth hanging on to and that’s if you have a friend or friends who don’t partake in whatever it is you’re addicted to, who have always been there for you in the past, who is there for you now and who is genuinely rooting for your success. Those are friends to hold onto. But in order for them to continue to be your friend you’ll need to know that it won’t be easy for them just like maintaining a solid friendship in recovery isn’t going to be easy for you. I want to talk to you about how you can be sure your friends continue to stay your friends.

First off, it’s important that you communicate with your friends about where you’re at. Nobody is a mind reader and if you’re having a bad day, struggling with triggers or post acute withdrawal syndrome, and you feel like you’re going to snap at someone anytime, it’s probably best to keep your distance but don’t blow anyone off without telling them why. Recovery from addiction is not fluid and can be sometimes unpredictable. For example, let’s say you have lunch plans with your best friend but you wake up crabby as heck and you know if you go to lunch you’ll probably end up saying or doing something crabby. In that case it’s best that you tell your friend what’s going on and then make plans to reschedule. If you keep it all inside, how do they know not to take it personally if you lash out on them or if you skip the lunch without texting? They won’t know that and that could put your friendship in jeopardy.

Another thing to think about when maintaining good high quality friendships while in recovery is understanding that you no longer should be putting yourself first. I know that sounds counterintuitive from what we were talking about earlier but what I mean is that when it comes to toxic and unhealthy friendships you should absolutely be thinking about yourself and your sobriety. But when it comes to healthy solid friendships, you know that those friends won’t jeopardise your sobriety so you’ll want to maintain those friendships by realizing that a friendship is a give and take. If you make everything about you then they’ll get annoyed and eventually they’ll be the ones walking away or distancing themselves. So while you should be leaning on them for support, try also letting them lean on you as much as they need. You’ll never know what they’re really going through or how they really feel unless you ask. So for example, if you’re meeting up with your friend for lunch and the entire conversation is about you and your recovery try to recognize that as it’s happening and at some point try to turn the conversation around on them and be genuine about it too. You don’t want to spend 45 minutes talking about you and then realize 5 minutes before you have to go that you haven’t talked or been interested in them and then say so how’s it going with you? Up well time to leave. That’s not cool. The best thing you can do is to start the conversation about them – ask them what they’ve been up to, how’s their sick grandpa or how having they been handling the death of their dog? Etc.

Regaining trust

Now I want you to think about your friends – the good ones, the ones you want to keep around but maybe they’re hesitant to let you back into their life. You’ll want to start regaining their trust. Now I say this but be cautious about this though. When you think about the normal trajectory of a friendship, it’s common to have friends that come and go throughout your life so if you have a friend whom you think you want to continue a friendship but they’ve drifted away due to your addiction, you should certainly try to reach out and do things to regain their trust but try not worry too much if you’re not getting any results. People change and friendships grow apart so feeling like you’re drifting away from someone may have nothing really to do with your addiction but more about the natural coming and going of a friendship.

But if you have a friendship where the other person lost trust in you while you were struggling with an addiction to regain their trust you’ll need patience and compassion. When I say patience I’m talking about the age old saying of time heals all wounds. By simply not taking part in your addiction will show your friends that actions speak louder than words. On top of that you’ll want to show up, live in the present when with them and be sure to step up when needed. If they need a favor or need someone to talk to, be there. The trust will gradually start to accumulate over time and turn into lasting friendships.

Steamboat Pilot and Today did an interview with Trevor ‘Apple’ Mekelburg about his path to sobriety. Apple stated, “If you’re going to let go of a substance, you need something else to grab on to,” Apple said. “I’ve seen people in recovery grab onto all sorts of stuff — whether that be God or physical activity or music. You just need to find a community of like-minded people.”

Recovery From Addiction and the Right Treatment Program

Now that we’ve talked about the importance of friendships and knowing when enough is enough you should have the tools and confidence you need to make smart decisions about the future of your friendships and recovery efforts. Some of you may be starting over completely and finding new friends in recovery or working towards strong sober support networks. Long-Term recovery is all about balance and that includes ensuring you have a strong social support network.

Our Recovery Program, Live Rehab, uses a holistic approach for addiction treatment. If you struggle with a substance use disorder or any addiction, and traditional treatment programs are not for you, check out LiveRehab.com to see how you can obtain sobriety from the comfort of your own home. Life in recovery doesn’t have to be hard. Your recovery process is unique to you and that’s why we have plans that cater to everyone, individually.